You Again
by RetroReaction
Summary: You broke me beyond repair and I hated you for a really long time. But seeing you again across the dimly lit bar, it's not hate I feel. It's love, pain, loss and regret. After all these years, I still feel like the girl you left behind. All Human. BellaXEdward
1. Chapter 1 - He's Back In Town

**You Again**

oOYAOo

**Summary - **You broke me beyond repair and I hated you for a really long time. But seeing you again across the dimly lit bar, it's not hate I feel. It's love, pain, loss and regret. After all these years, I still feel like the girl you left behind.

**Disclaimer** – No infringement of copyright is intended. All of the publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions belong to their respective owners. Twilight belongs to Stephanie. That being said, You Again, is mine. So is that one La Senza bra that I bought for myself but it was just too pretty to wear, so I kind of just admire it every chance I get. What? It was 40 bucks, you should be glad I haven't framed it.

This girlie named scarlettstones beta-ed. She's awesome. *big hug*

Special thanks to what-if-i-told-you for believing in me. Really. xo

Without furthermore ado, I present—You Again.

* * *

There are certain moments in life that you just don't see coming. It hits you hard and fast like a wrecking ball, causing you to feel utterly disoriented. It leaves your world in shattered and broken pieces, gravel everywhere. The extent of the damage varies with each different situation but the feeling—the feeling is the same. The feeling of nausea, astonishment, wariness and at times—grief, never alters.

Many people have those moments. I can see people in this bar that are currently experiencing those moments. Like that one short guy that rubbing forehead, staring down at a golden band, a wedding ring, on the counter next to his half empty glass of whiskey and coke.

His wallet is open and I can almost make out a picture through my hazy gaze. A woman.

His shaggy eyebrows are furrowed in sadness and I wonder mentally what the problem is. Did she not reciprocate his feelings for her? Did she pass away recently?

It didn't matter. This guy, whoever he was, was hit by the horrid wrecking ball.

Another bony girl with dark circles under her vibrant blue eyes is staring unseeingly at her orange juice. Her hand is absentmindedly rubbing her stomach in gentle circles.

She looks no older than 19. She might be even younger. Her shocked eyes staring at her plain old orange juice makes me think of one thing—pregnancy. A 19 year old and orange juice? Yeah, that's believable.

She shakily takes a sip of her orange liquid. It's clear she didn't see that one coming. Another one hit by the wrecking ball.

Sighing, I look back at my cosmopolitan. It was my fifth one this evening. It isn't that I necessarily had a bad evening and was drowning my sorrows in alcohol until so numb that I couldn't walk straight but it was the fact that usually Jacob stops me at two. But today, he was too busy talking to his friend Paul, whose guts I happen to despise. Jacob did shoot me a look when I asked for my fourth drink but he didn't stop me and I was taking full advantage of his indifference.

I throw my head back and finish my drink in one large gulp, wincing as it burns its way down my esophagus.

_Hello, liver. I got some bad news for you._

I brush away some of the hair that was hanging in front of my face. Licking my dry lips to give it some moisture (I'd always thought that chapped lips were highly unattractive), I looked around the old bar. I lived right across the street but Jacob always insisted on never going to these places. This was the first time he'd ever agreed to go to this bar. I'd always wanted to go, but when I wasn't busy working, I was with Jacob or planning our elaborate wedding.

Honestly, I wanted a small ceremony with the closest people for my wedding. Jacob had begrudgingly agreed to that in the beginning but he couldn't let go of the idea of a grand wedding. After a while, I grew tired of him hinting about it all the damn time and told him I was fine with a big wedding and he was elated.

I wasn't fine with a big wedding. It _was_ my wedding. But I guess this is how marriages work—compromises. Even though it was usually I who made the compromises. I didn't want to fight with Jacob. He was good to me. That's all I asked of him.

I was told once by a friend that my expectations were constantly low. At the time, I just shrugged it off. But what I refrained from telling her was the fact that I had realized something important long ago. Expectations always set you up for disappointment. Because at one point, whichever person might not live up to your expectations and you end up getting hurt. Half of the time, it isn't even necessarily their fault, per say. It just means that the person is human.

I think it's pretty pathetic to be hurt over the fact that someone was being human.

I'm about to raise my glass and wiggle it in front of the bartender, the universal signal for 'get me another' when my eyes meet vivid green ones across the room.

Disbelief takes over my mind and my lips stretches into a silent 'o'.

_It can't be. _

The same green eyes I never thought I'd see again found mine and my suspicions were confirmed.

_Edward. _

The air in my lungs left my body in a silent whoosh. My eyes widen and I'm astonished to see him in Seattle again. The blood in my face drains immediately. My body shudders slightly.

This is my wrecking ball moment. There is no way I would've seen this coming. Especially not after all that has happened. Several emotions attack my body and I'm left speechless. I don't know whether to cry or laugh or yell. Instead I just gawk at him, disbelievingly. For a brief moment, I wonder whether this is a hallucination of some sort. I did have more cosmos than what would be considered healthy.

The hazy edges that were caused by the alcohol instantly cleared. My mind was going to into overdrive.

Why is he here? What does he want? How is his family? Are they here as well?

I rip my eyes away from his and wiggle my glass silently. The bartender, a slim blonde, places another drink in front of me. I chug my drink, ignoring the warning look Jacob was giving me.

I can feel his eyes on me. I had always been able to feel his eyes.

It's actually very cheesy, if you think about it—being able to feel someone's gaze. But his was always so intense and passionate. There was no way you couldn't feel it.

Goosebumps break out on my skin and I hate it. I hate that he has this great of an effect on me after so long. I hate that my body is still so fine tuned to his. I hate it all.

I hate him.

Scowling, I look back him. When my eyes meet his, my scowl fades from my ashen face. His lean figure that had apparently grown more defined makes its way towards me.

As he saunters towards me, it's like a bucket of ice-cold water was thrown over my head, chilling me to the bone.

This is reality. This is actually happening.

It is, isn't it?

The air around me practically swirls with my tension and anxiety. My body stiffens as the oxygen around me becomes too suffocating. With each step he takes, the air buzzes with electricity and the more suffocated I am. I want to get out of the bar. I want to run and run and run until my legs crack beneath me.

But I'm trapped. I can't leave even if I tried. Jacob would follow me.

His presence is too strong at one point and I ask for another Cosmo.

Jacob opens his mouth to reprimand me for drinking so damn much but he is interrupted by a voice I longed to hear and simultaneously despised.

"Bella?"

My breath hitchs. With a great deal of effort, I suppress the violent shudder begging to run through me. Jacob and Paul turn to face him and I cringe slightly.

My eyes slowly trail up to Edward's shirt to his eyes.

Those eyes. Those eyes were the very same eyes that had haunted my dreams for a long time.

Those vivid, rich emerald eyes that always seemed to project so much emotion stares at me incredulously. It was as if he couldn't believe I was here.

Why wouldn't I be here? I would always be here, waiting for something that would never come back to me.

I'm pathetic.

Disgust and self-loathing filled me and I can't speak. Edward's eyes turned confused after a few tense seconds.

"Bella? Is that really you?" he asks, his voice rasping slightly at the end, conveying his shock. The corner of his lips pulls hesitantly.

I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. I shut it again and settle for a tentative nod.

"Forgive me for being rude but may I ask who you are?" Jacob voices, completely confused as to who this bronze haired guy was.

Before Edward could say a word, I answer for him.

"He's someone I used to know," I croak, still recovering from the impossibility of the current situation.

Edward cocks an eyebrow at my introduction but doesn't comment on it. I'm still gawking at Edward.

"He's an old friend," I correct myself.

_I can't believe it. _

Jacob clears his throat awkwardly and I instantaneously snap out it.

"What are you doing here?" I inquire. _I thought he said he was going away for good... _Edward runs a hand through his hair and looks awkwardly at me and I can tell that he knows what I'm thinking.

I guess that's something that'll never change. I never needed to vocally express my thoughts. Edward just always knew. Of course, Edward always knew what people were thinking. It was an intuition, I presume. I'd never really asked him about it.

"Carlisle and Esme decided to come home for Christmas," he explains. "How have you been?"

I look at his face as it turns concerned. The familiarity of him was so unnerving at times…

"I've been good. Really busy, but good nonetheless," I lie through my teeth. I've been so busy, that my stress-level sky rocketed so much that my head would start to spin but I couldn't tell him that. Hopefully after the wedding, things will settle down.

Edward nods, smiling warmly at me. He looks me over and grins. "You look good too."

I've never been so grateful to Angela in my life before. Angela, one of my friends dressed me up for the bar date with Jacob. I hadn't known Paul, the douche bag, was going to show up. I was wearing a black full sleeved lace bodycon that stopped mid-thigh. My hair was straightened and I was wearing my silver pumps. They hurt like hell but made my legs look a mile long. What can I say? Beauty friggin' hurts.

"Thank you. You do too."

And he did. He was wearing a plain black shirt that clung to his lean muscles. His jeans were dangerously low his hips and his hair was artfully mussed up. He looked good.

I was practically salivating in my mind.

Jacob raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for me to introduce him and I instantly felt disgusted for eye-fucking a man that was not my fiancée. Jacob was also handsome with bulging muscles and his sharp yet defined and broad face. I should be drooling over him not Edward.

_Dammit, Bella._

"I'm being rude. This is Jacob. Jacob meet Edward," I mumble, not meeting Edward's eyes.

Edward extends his hand and the guys do the weird guy handshake thing that consists of a handshake and a hug.

"Nice to meet you man," Edward says. "Are you guys colleagues or friends..?" he trails off, his eyes shooting from Jacob to me.

Jacob just snorts at the word 'colleague'. "I could never do what she does every day. All those kids... And I hope we're not friends. That would mean I can't kiss her anymore and that would suck, wouldn't it Bells?"

One of his tan arms snakes around my waist and I plaster on a big fake smile that not even Edward could see through if he tried. I perfected this long ago. I place one of my hands on his shoulder and grin cheesily at him. I felt like I was putting on a big show just for Edward. Any other day, I would swat Jacob's hand and rolled my eyes. I desperately hoped Jacob wouldn't sense the difference in my attitude but when Jacob's brown eyes met mine, silently questioning, I knew my hopes were in vain.

Emerald eyes focus on my hand on his shoulder and Edwards's expression turns harder for some odd reason. He looks away for second before looking back and smiling. But the smile doesn't reach his eyes.

I could always see through Edward.

Suddenly, I didn't want to be so close to Jacob anymore.

"Hey, they're not kids anymore if they are in university. And yeah, it would suck. Especially because of your amazing kissing prowess," I reply sarcastically. My hand that was on his shoulder finds its way into Jacob's cropped hair.

"It's true; I do have a talent, you know?" Jacob retorts.

I mock laugh. Jacob's hand around my waist was getting more uncomfortable by the second and I discreetly move away from. Jacob frowns for a second and I grab my glass of poison and he nods, reassured that I didn't just want to get away from him.

I _did_ want to get away from him. I wasn't okay with Edward seeing us together like that. It didn't make sense to me, either.

"So, how long are you staying for?" I question, taking the conversation to different direction.

"Awhile. I'm not sure," Edward answers but his voice is off. He didn't sound right.

I was about to ask how he's been when Jacob cuts me off.

"We should get dinner sometime. It would give you and Bella sometime to catch up. Invite your family as well," Jacob suggests. My face heats up and I want to strangle Jacob. _Can't he just shut the hell up for once?_ I did not want to see Edward Cullen or his family. No matter how much I longed it deep down.

Edward glances at my face and then looks away, pained almost.

"I'm sure Isabella is busy."

_Yes. Yes, I am busy. Thank you. _

Jacob just laughs it off. "I'm sure she'll find the time. She's not that busy."

_I'm sorry, what?_

I look at Jacob in disbelief. How dare he undermine the stress I'm in?

Edward looks at me again and winces.

_What's his problem?_

"I'm not so sure about that..." Edward says quietly.

The look on Edward's face makes my resolve crumble and I melt.

I sigh. "No, Jacob's right. I'm sure I'll find the time," I choke out.

"You don't have to, Isabella," Edward almost whispers, his face suddenly blank and void of any emotion.

Jacob speaks up in gruff voice. "Nonsense. She'd love to. We'll see you on Friday?"

Edward looks at me for conformation and I nod, smiling reassuringly at him.

"Sure, I'm sure my family would love that," he says, smiling back but it looked forced.

"There's an Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. Bella Italia?" Jacob says, absentmindly, his mind far off, already calculating at what time he'd be free. Shock took over my system and my eyes glazed over, reliving the past.

_"Bella Italia? You know I hate Italian food," I whine, petulantly. _

_Edward shakes his head, his eyes mock widening. _

_"How can anyone hate Italian food, Bella? That's practically impossible," he retorts, rolling his eyes at my dramatics. _

_"It's like you want me to be fat or something," I say, sticking my tongue out at him and opening the door to the restaurant. _

_"I know you, Bella and I know you could care less about being fat," he replies, snaking an arm around my waist, his green eyes twinkling. "I like you in dresses, by the way. You look sexy."_

_I was wearing a maxi dress and my hair was in loose curls. He brushes a strand away from my eyes. My lips curl into a small smile as he leans down. He lips find mine and I place my hands on his neck before pulling away. _

_"It's our first date and you're already trying to frustrate me by bringing me to an Italian restaurant. Smooth, Edward," I say, teasingly. _

_"It's our first date. I had to try a little didn't I?" he teases back. _

_"This is you trying? Oh my, I'd hate to see what_ not_ trying would be…"_

_"Funny. You're cute," he says, rolling his eyes once more. But the glint in his eyes tells me he does find me funny. I take his hand in mine and pull him into the restaurant. _

My back stiffens and I swear I hear Edward's breath hitch slightly.

"Yeah, I know the place," he chokes out. His face is ashen.

My eyes find his and I almost immediately realize just how bad of an idea this is.

"Say, 7 o'clock?"

Edward nods and I look away, pained. Jacob just grins, oblivious to my inner turmoil and takes my hand. I let him.

"We need to get going. See you then, Edward. Here's my card, if you want to call me or Bells here."

Edward silently takes the card from Jacob's fingers and I look anywhere but him.

"We're leaving so soon?" I ask quietly. I was secretly rejoicing that I didn't have to spend another second with Edward but I'm mildly disappointed because I knew we won't come back to this bar. Ever again.

Jacob hates bars.

Jacob sighs and lift his hand up to my chin. His thumb caresses my check.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I gotta go. And you know how I feel about you being alone in a bar like this...I hope you understand..." he trails off.

I didn't understand. But I just sigh and nod. Grabbing my purse from the counter, I turn to face Edward.

"Goodbye, Edward," I mutter, quietly. He looks at me apprehensively.

"Goodbye, Bella." I shudder as he calls me 'Bella' instead of the formal 'Isabella'.

I turn around and scurry out without another glance.

* * *

Well. I've been working on this for awhile now, so I really do hope you enjoyed it. Leave me a review with your thoughts, feelings and/or any feedback.

Email me at - retroreaction . ffn ( ) gmail . com

Blog (for future sneak peaks and update schedules) - retroreaction . blogspot .ca

xo, Retro a.k.a Shradha.


	2. Chapter 2 - Inner Musings

**Chapter 2**

oOYAOo

**Disclaimer **– No infringement of copyright intended. All of the publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions belong to their respective owners. Twilight belongs to Stephanie. That being said, You Again is mine. I also own this one bra where the underwire is constantly poking but I keep it anyway...Why? Beats me.

My biatch, scarlettstones beta-ed. She's awesome.

A/N – Some swearing. I changed the summary. I like it now. ^_^

Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

_"A woman's heart is a deep ocean filled with secrets."_

I grip the wine bottle closer to me; it's my companion for tonight. At the rate I'm going, I was going to be an alcoholic by the end of the week.

"You can say that again," I mutter, wiping my tears with the back of hand in an unladylike fashion.

I didn't know why I thought watching 'Titanic' was a good idea. It never failed to tear me up, leaving me depressed. Maybe I just have a fetish for unrequited love...

Jacob had dropped me off at my apartment with a kiss on my cheek. I had waved at him and closed the door before completely breaking down. I had grabbed at my hair before pulling my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth. My brief encounter with Edward had left me frazzled and confused.

What was I supposed to feel?

Anger? Grief? Sadness?

I had no idea.

I had the strongest urge to break down with violent sobs and yet... I couldn't. Something was stopping me from doing just that. All I was capable of was looking at my ceiling, horrified. I didn't know what Edward's sudden appearance what do to me.

He could hurt me again.

Last time, I managed. After the first month, I realized just how pathetic I seemed. It frustrated me that I was _that_ dependent on him.

But this time— this time it would be different.

No doubt that this time, I wouldn't recover.

After a few minutes of rocking on my floor, I had gotten up and grabbed the bottle of white wine in my cabinet. I was saving it for a special occasion but it felt like it would the most help right then.

Now, my duvet was curled around me like a cocoon, offering me a slight feeling of comfort. I lean back, my gaze aimed at the television but my mind was elsewhere.

Would this affect my relationship with Jacob?

_What relationship?_The snarky voice in my head questioned, raising her bitch brow.

_No_, I told myself, _I love Jake._ He had been there in a way no else could have at the time. He made me feel less empty.

_You're pathetic_, I thought to myself, shaking my head at my dependent thoughts, vaguely disgusted.

I let out another weary sigh, emotionally and physically spent. Grunting, I get off the floor and put my wine back.

I crawl over my bed before turning and exhaling as my back hit the soft mattress. Closing my eyes, I let my exhaustion pull me under the lulling waters of sleep.

oOYAOo

My limbs still felt heavy as I yank on my grey pencil skirt with more force than needed. I yawn again and rub my eyes in a vain effort to shake the sleepiness. I blink several times before gulping the coffee on my nightstand.

"Ew...," I whisper to myself when the caffeine hits my bloodstream.

I arch my back, wanting all the knots in shoulders to go away. I put on my tight full sleeve v-neck turquoise sweater and snatch my purse before yanking on my turquoise pumps.

I yawn once more and this time, I curse loudly right after.

"Damn you, Edward Cullen. Damn you and your perfect smile and your perfects biceps and your stupid designer clothes. Damn you for bringing up memories. Damn you for messing with my sleep. Damn you for… ugh, being you."

Kibbles mews softly from my bed, her gray eyes staring at me knowingly.

_Don't think about him_, her eyes seems to be saying.

A loud groan leaves my lips, my shoulders hunching pathetically to the sound and I hobble over to the edge of my bed. I pet her rhythmically and look at her soberly. She purrs contentedly and I sigh.

"... I don't know how, Kibbles. How am I not supposed to think about him? He was… the one. Argh, I know I sound cheesy. But he was, Kibbles. He was."

Kibble looks up at me before pouncing off the bed and scampering across the room.

"Wow. Even my cat thinks I'm pathetic," I mutter and suddenly the silence around me becomes too loud.

"Maybe I am pathetic."

_I already admitted this to myself._

_And I'm talking to myself._

See what Edward Cullen does to the average girl?

oOYAOo

Glancing at the clock on the brick walls of the large classroom, I start to wrap things up.

"Class dismissed. Have a good day guys."

Couple of students mutters a tired goodbye and I reciprocate with an equally tired nod. It was a long day, needless to say.

I start to file all the papers on my desk when three loud knocks on the door, startling me. I turn around sharply to see Angela smiling brightly at me, tucking her brown locks behind her ear. Her smile drops a little, seeing my expression.

"How was your hot date with your hot fiancé?" She walks over to me, her hazel eyes narrowing slightly.

"Not hot."

Her eyebrows rise in a silent question.

"Paul Lahote was with Jacob."

"Oh ew," she says, her nose wrinkling.

"It went downhill from there."

"You mean to say it got worse? What could possibly be worse than Mr. Douche?"

"I don't know...a tsunami?"

"You're deflecting."

"I was trying to be funny."

"What the hell happened Bella? Quite frankly, you look like shit right now."

"Edward Cullen happened."

"Cullen's in town?" she cries out, incredulous. I nod solemnly, not meeting her warm gaze.

She stays silent and so do I. When she finally speaks up, I can't help but look at her straight in the eye. "Are you okay?" she asks softly.

I'm about to answer with my standard, "_I'm fine_," when I stop myself. I was anything but fine. I felt like absolute crap, mostly due to the lack of sleep but Edward certainly contributed to that. He was back and he made me feel not okay again.

"No," I answer truthfully.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I think before answering. "Not now, Ange. Later?"

She looks at me dubiously.

"You sure?"

"I'm positive."

She doesn't say or do anything; she just looks at me intently.

"Bella...I'm..worried. Last time he left, you took it bad. You took it really bad, and honestly, I thought it was just a matter of time before we had to hospitalize you. I'm scared that'll happen again¾"

"It won't," I tell her firmly, cutting her off.

"You don't know that."

"I do," I insist. "It's not the same situation anymore."

She sighs. "I just want you to be careful."

"I will," I promise. She doesn't look convinced. I'm not either, truthfully.

oOYAOo

Jake is coming over for dinner. I put in extra effort today by dressing up and setting the mood. Angela suggested I wear my white eyelet top, my chandelier earring and skinny jeans. Deciding she knew best, I did just that. I even had the candles lit, and even though I thought it was fairly cheesy, it didn't hurt..so, why not?

I even went as far as cooking actual dinner instead of just ordering take out. Fettuccini pasta with alfredo sauce and some salad is on the table, with the candle sticks when the door bell rings.

I open door revealing Jake with his eyes on his phone. He's typing away furiously and I wait patiently until he looks up and realizes I answered the door.

His mouth stretches into a wide grin and he plants a big kiss on my lips before entering.

"Did I forget about an anniversary?" he asks, and even though his tone is teasing, he seems a little panicky since he thinks he might have actually forgotten something.

I chuckle, nervous for some reason. "Nope, I just decided to make today special."

He looks around the apartment once and then looks down at me. His thumb finds my chin and he tilts my face up before kissing me softly.

"It's perfect."

I smile, wide and genuine, and I can remember why I fell in love with Jacob in the first place. He made my life seem better than it was. He made it not hurt.

His touch is warm, comforting. Familiar.

This wasn't so bad.

"I'm glad you like it," I say.

_See_, I tell myself, _you love him_.

The smartass in me pipes up and says, _we'll see_.

His phone rings loud and shrill. He looks at me apologetically and I nod, letting him know it was okay. He picks up the phone and leaves my side. My body is cold and I feel the loss of his touch.

Now I just feel the same way I did all day.

I sit cross-legged on the couch and wait for Jake to be done with work.

oOYAOo

An hour later, I'm still on the couch and Jake's out on the balcony, talking animatedly to someone on the line. Another breeze wafts into my apartment and I shiver as the cool air licks my exposed skin. I shrug on my hoodie and hug it around myself.

I'm beyond pissed. Normally, I would understand and let it slide but this..this was becoming a day-to-day occurrence with Jake. Was I expecting too much of him? I walk over to the balcony and Jacob glances at me before looking back out. Holy shit.

_Acknowledge me. _

I wait, for him to react, to give me an apologetic look, _anything._

I get nothing.

I scowl fiercely, turning around and stomping over to the table.

I didn't care at the moment whether I looked unreasonable or bitchy. I had gone the extra mile to plan something special for the two of us and he wouldn't even _acknowledge_ my frustration.

I foil wrap the food and stow it away in the fridge. I can hear foot steps behind me and I turn slowly making sure to wipe my face emotionless.

"Bella, I gotta go.."

He looks infuriated with something. I don't say anything, I just look at him.

"Next week, okay?" he says, trying placate me, _clearly_, and I just regard him with a surprising amount of hostility, considering the fact that I'm a pretty..calm person.

He saunters up to me and leans down to place a kiss on my cheek. I step back, pulling away and he frowns.

"What's wrong?"

My eyebrow twitches.

"What's wrong?" I repeat slowly, incredulous.

He sighs, annoyed. "I thought you understood."

"I've been more than understanding. I've been _saintly_. But I feel like all you've been doing is being all lovely when you feel like it and when you don't, you ignore me like I'm some piece of trash. I'm your fiancée, god-dammit."

"Things at work have just been hard, okay? Cut me some slack," he retorts, his eyes wide with exasperation.

I throw my hands up frustration, knowing he doesn't get why I'm so mad. I didn't know how exactly to explain it to him.

"When was the last time we spent some time together? Alone?" I ask, placing my hands on hips.

He exhales and his chest dips. "I don't know."

Suddenly I have this urge to cry. Why was everything going so wrong? Why was I trying so hard to make this work _now_?

But I already know the answer.

Before Jacob was my fiancé, my boyfriend, my lover, he was my best friend. I missed my best friend. Angela was great..._is_ great. But she isn't Jake. Jacob was the guy that I could lean on. Jake was the guy I _did_ lean on. He was always there for me.

In a persistently evolving world, Jacob Black was a constant in my life. I had always been grateful for that. I still am.

I miss my best friend. I wanted to be able to rest my head on his shoulder and cry over Edward like I once had again. But I couldn't. It would be wrong. More so, I don't think Jacob would offer me his shoulder anymore.

And not to mention, our relationship wasn't platonic enough for me to do just that.

I wanted my best friend back. I wanted to be able to tell everything like I once would have.

So I tell him that.

"Sometimes…I miss how uncomplicated our relationship was," I say softly, my shoulders sagging.

He frowns. "It's not like it's complicated now."

"But it's different."

"I don't understand."

_Of course you don't. _

I let out a gust of air. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"'Kay." He kisses my cheek and this time I don't pull away. "I'll call you tonight."

"Yeah," I mutter.

And then he's gone.

And he doesn't call.

And as always, I don't expect him to.

oOYAOo

Angela does though and I pick up in two rings.

"Ange," I say in greeting.

"Feel like talking now?" she questions and I practically hear her rolling her eyes over the phone and I can't help but chuckle.

"Not really, but I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"You always have a choice. I'm just going to make you choose the right one," she says, humor rich in her voice.

"I'm so glad you're my friend," I reply, sarcastically.

"You should be. So…Cullen, huh?"

"Cullen," I say in answer.

"How do you feel about that?"

"I feel nothing," I lie.

"Right. You really expect me to believe that?"

"It'd be nice."

"I'm not here banter, Bella. Come on, tell me," she insists and I sigh.

"..I'm not pleased."

"Yeah, I got that part."

"I'm scared," I admit, softly.

"Why?" she asks, simply.

"I don't know where things are going to go. Are we going to ignore that 'we' ever existed? Or are we going talk about it? I just…I don't know."

"Do _you _want to talk about what happened?"

"If it'll help, sure. Why not?"

"Will it help? Do you think it'll give you closure?" she inquires, her voice inquisitive.

"I don't need closure," I huff.

"Bullshit."

I exhale, long and loud. "It might. But it might also open wounds that I'd rather stay shut."

"I think it's worth a shot."

"What?" is my brilliant response.

"Talk to him. What have you got to lose?"

_Tons, Angela. Tons. _

"I don't know."

"What _do_ you know?" she huffs.

"That you're annoying. And that I should never, in a million years, buy vegemite again. Oh, and that I'm in desperate need of a razor."

"You and your hairy legs.." she laughs.

"Hey! Don't insult the legs."

"God forbid I should insult the legs."

"By the way, did I tell you I'm having dinner with the Cullen family?" I say, as casually as I possibly can.

"What?!"

"Yup."

"Okay. Spill. Now."

"Okay, so here's what happened…"

And I tell her. She listens quietly, muttering out her opinion once in awhile.

"I think you should talk to Jake too," she says finally.

"Why?" I ask. Because…why?

"Well, for one, you're getting married to him, so I'd think you'd want to share that kind of information. But hey, I've never been engaged.."

"He has nothing to do with this."

"Doesn't he?"

The question makes me double over in my mind.

"Does he?" I counter.

"God, Bella, I don't know. I'm asking _you_," she says, exasperated.

I mull it over before answering. "I honestly don't know."

oOYAOo

I haven't talked to Jacob in 4 days. So, imagine my surprise when he shows up at my doorstep, unannounced.

"W-what are you doing here?"

I'm taken aback.

He is a former blue shirt with his dress pants. His shirt is folded up to his elbows revealing strong, vein-y, copper toned arms. He looks sheepish. I could see a ghost of his dimple on the side of his square cheek.

He hadn't shaved since I last time.

I feel self-conscious in my sweatshirt, boxers and messy bun.

"I thought about what you said," he says, rubbing his palm over the back of his neck, looking even more sheepish.

"And?" I prompt.

"..You're right, I guess. So, I decided we'd go out today. Just you and me."

I'm speechless. Literally. I don't know what to say.

I find my equilibrium again and I stammer out, "W-Why?"

He cocks an eyebrow and I flush.

_That's a dumb question. _

"Let me get dressed."

I step back and he walks in. I'm reminded of what Angela said, and I wonder.

Should I tell him?

I exhale.

* * *

Edward isn't in this chapter, but trust me.. he'll be back. *wink*

Please, please review. Come on. You can do it. Do it, or I'll unleash unseen dark forces into this world.

…Nah, I'm just kidding. OR AM I? *dun dun duuuuun*

Email me at - retroreaction . ffn ( ) gmail . com

Blog (for future sneak peaks and update schedules) - retroreaction . blogspot .ca

xo, Retro.


	3. Chapter 3 - Wet White T-Shirts

**Chapter 3**

oOYAOo

**Disclaimer** - No infringement of copyright intended. All of the publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions belong to their respective owners. That said... you know it! You Again? Mine.

Scarlettstones is da bomb. She's also my Robert Pattinson obsessed beta.

**A/N** – _Important_ - I'm going to be switching between present and past until you guys are caught up on Bella and Edward's relationship. Another thing—I plan on all of this to be in Bella's POV but if I feel the need, I might do an EPOV.

**WARNING** – Contains mature boob jokes. Don't like, don't read. Your loss. :D

ENJOY.

* * *

**7 years ago**

**March 20th, 2007**

They say first impressions are important.

I certainly hope that is not true.

Spring break. This vacation was something we'd been planning for a while. Alice and I already did the crazy partying, getting so hammered we couldn't see straight for days during our freshman year. Not that it wasn't fun in the beginning but waking up topless with my head pounding wasn't really that great.

So, we had decided that we'd do something that didn't have a painful aftermath.

Niagara Falls, Alice had suggested. I didn't exactly have a better idea so I agreed. It was Kate, Mike, Ty and I that were going together. Alice had told us that she and Jasper already had plans and that they wouldn't be able to go with us.

She also said that her family owned a house there and that we could stay there instead of a hotel. It made perfect sense to me at the time. Actually, it still does.

We drove all the way to Niagara Falls. After approximately 42 hours of whining, loud music and tons of junk-food-eating and sleep we reached our destination.

What Alice failed to mention was that her brother was staying there for the week.

Edward Cullen.

They say first impressions are everything.

If that's true, I was screwed.

Tyler was coming down with a cold and a fever and he expressed his need for bed rest, so it was just the rest of us that went to the Falls the next day. By then, I knew that an Edward Cullen lived there but I still hadn't met him.

Kate and I went on the boat ride at the Falls, the one that took you closer to the waterfalls and left you completely soaked. Mike had taken one look at the boat and declared that he had no interest in going due to his childhood fear of boats.

In hindsight, that was probably a bad day to wear a white shirt.

Needless to say, I was dripping wet and my shirt was definitely see-thorough. I had my arms crossed over my chest the entire ride back.

Kate wanted to change, claiming she felt 'icky and wet' to which Mike responded with 'That's what she said'. Kate's answer to that was a loud smack to the back of Mike's head. At that, I had chuckled, not aware of the life-changing moment that was going to arrive.

When we got to the house, there was a silver Volvo already parked in the driveway.

"Looks like Alice's brother finally decided to grace us with his presence," Mike said, parking. I think I had snorted in response.

I had also gotten out of the car and into the house in record time. I admit, I was pretty eager to see the 'Edward' that Alice liked to talk so fondly of in person. Alice had once shown me a picture on her phone—defined face, full lips and dreamy eyes.

Now here I am, standing in front of the mahogany double doors. I swing the door open quite loudly.

First impressions.

His head turns around sharply to see the source of the noise.

He's better looking in person. He's tall. Obnoxiously tall. I can tell he's built, but he's more lean and defined than built.

Oh my goodness.

His face is so..gorgeous. He looks like he did in the photo except there's a hint of stubble. His eyes meet mine and I can feel my lips part.

Emerald eyes that seemed to glint in the light. He also has the longest lashed. Longer than mine. His lips were..Oh my.

His mouth pulls into a smirk and I wonder what he's smirking about. His eyes are no longer looking into mine and I follow his gaze down.

That's when it strikes me.

Wet. T-shirt.

WET.

Clinging wet t-shirt with no BRA.

Clinging.

An involuntary gasp leaves my parted lips and I cross my arms quickly across my chest. My face is burning and I'm squirming. I don't need to look down to know my chest is flushed, showing the extent of my embarrassment.

Edward Cullen just saw my boobs.

No big deal.

Nope.

Nope.

Oh. My. God.

"Does Target finally sell transparent bras?" Edward asks, his mouth still fixed in an amused smirk.

My jaw drops open and I can't believe he just said that.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, "You know, you could have just done the gentlemanly thing and pretended you didn't see..that."

He raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised by my answer. A beat later he replies.

"It's too bad I'm not a gentleman then, huh?"

"Yeah. Too bad," I repeat sarcastically yet blushing furiously.

"I didn't realize it was _that _chilly in here," he states. His eyes are still alight with mirth and I scowl once the meaning sinks in.

"The water was cold, okay?" I snap.

The door opens again, revealing Kate and Mike. Mike nods in acknowledgment, having met Edward before with a quiet 'hey, bro' and strides up the stairs.

Kate, on the other hand, is still at the doorstep, judging the situation with inquisitive eyes. She looks at me with my arms crossed in a protective manner and at Edward smirking with ill-concealed gaiety back and forth before she gives up.

"You must be Edward. I'm Kate," she introduces herself.

Edward nods but doesn't say anything.

She cocks an eyebrow at me, her eyes silently questioning and I shake my head in answer.

_Not now, Kate._

She nods imperceptibly in return and goes up the stairs, glancing occasionally at us before leaving us alone together again.

The air around us is uncomfortable and I turn around to follow her when his voice stops me in my spot. I'm vaguely aware of the fact that my hair is dripping mess.

"What's your name?"

"What's it to you?" I retort without looking back at him.

"I'm just asking for your name."

I sigh and glance at him. "It's Bella."

His eyes are scrutinizing me. "Alice mentioned an Isabella."

My back stiffens. "Don't call me that."

"Why not?"

_Because that's what my mother used to call me. _

"My name is Bella. Not anything else. Just Bella."

"Okay, just Bella."

I don't answer him. Instead, I walk to the guest room, leaving him by himself.

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 10, 2014**

I didn't tell Jake.

I wasn't scared of anything. But I just..never told him.

I knew I should have. I should have told him that Edward was the guy I was heartbroken over for so long. But I didn't.

Why?

Just seeing Jacob smiling, dimples and all, joking around, I couldn't bring myself to ruin the light atmosphere around us. I liked it. It was a pleasant change since all I'd been doing for the past few days had been stressing.

It used to be like this before. Before when Jake and I were just friends.

He drops me off at my house and I walk in feeling drained. Not that the impromptu date with Jake wasn't fun, but it reminded me of better times. It reminded me of the way things used to be.

How happy I used to be.

Don't get me wrong—I'm happy now. It's just a different kind of happy. The content kind of happy.

I used to be another kind of happy. The kind that consumes you, overwhelms you. I was the kind of happy where you felt…exhilaration. Euphoria. Ecstasy. I guess you wouldn't call that happiness. You would call that elation.

But even elation is temporary.

Reality's a bitch.

There are times where I look at photographs from before, when I was still with Edward. It's just as painful as it was years ago. But now, I like to study things.

The way I threw my head back and laughed. I seemed to look..carefree. The way Edward looked at me.

The way I looked at him.

The way I seemed to embrace life untroubled.

The phone rang pulling me out of my reverie. I reached for it and answered.

"Hello?"

"Bells, it's me, Jacob."

I frown, wondering why he's called me at—I glance at the clock—10.45 in the night_. Had I really spent the last hour thinking about the past?_

"What's up?" I ask, sounding surprisingly more nonchalant than I am.

"I forgot to tell you—we have the dinner with your friend Edgar tomorrow."

My heart stops.

"Tomorrow?" I squeak.

"Tomorrow is Friday right?"

I glance at the calendar on my nightstand.

"Err..Yeah."

"Then we have dinner with them."

Holy shit.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." A pause. "Bells, you okay?"

"Edgar?" I ask, once it strikes me that that's what he called him. I'm also avoiding his question.

"Isn't that the guy's name?"

"No, it's Edward."

"Oh. Well, Edward then."

"Okay..thanks for letting me know, Jake."

"You're welcome, I guess."

"Goodbye," I say, after a beat passes.

"Bye."

Just as I'm about to hang up, I hear his voice.

"Sleep tight, Bells," he says softly.

"You too, Jake. You too."

And the line goes dead.

oOYAOo

**7 years ago**

**March 21, 2007**

I exhale, my breath leaving my lungs in a silent whoosh as I stare at the breathtaking view of the falls. It was gorgeous. The way the water cascaded rapidly and the way the mist seemed to float through the air. The way the foam seemed to gather at the end. Just the sound of the water gushing down was calming.

_Wow._

Alice was apparently joining us after all since Jasper had to go out of town for some family thing. She, on the other hand, won't be driving all the way here. She was flying; she said she'd meet us here after dropping off her stuff at her house. The others chose to keep walking but I wanted to stay and admire.

"You know, if it weren't for nipples, boobs would be pointless," a voice next to me says.

"E-excuse me?" I stutter and turn my head sharply only to meet the grinning face of Edward Cullen.

_He looks like a Cheshire cat with that grin._

"Not necessarily. If boobs didn't have nipples, you can still fondle them, can't you?" I say in return.

His grin grows wider. He seems impressed.

"I guess so. But it wouldn't be as fun."

"Ahh, yes. Because twisting someone's nipple like a radio dial is so much fun."

He frowns but his eyes are still alight with mirth.

"Who have _you _been with?"

"From your expression, obviously the wrong men."

"That sounds painful."

"What?" is my response.

"The radio dial thing."

"It's not painful—just annoying."

"I must say—this must be the weirdest conversation I've ever had."

"The feeling is mutual, trust me."

"So..you usually don't show your breasts to strangers and then have extensive conversation about it with them, right?"

"Not always. But once in awhile, I like to make an exception."

"I must be a lucky man."

"You must be," I agree.

Someone clears their throat and we both turn to look.

"Alice!" I exclaim surprised.

She looked good. She almost always looked good, but never this good. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes were brighter than ever. She looked happy. She was wearing a jeans and frilly blouse which I'm sure cost a fortune.

Her jaw drops as she takes me in and I wonder what's wrong.

"W-what?" I ask, frowning self-consciously at her expression.

"You..you're wearing a dress!"

I blink.

"Um..yeah. So?"

"You never wear dresses! I usually have to beg you!" she exclaims looking suspiciously at my sundress.

I shrug. "Well. I guess I was in the mood."

"..In the mood.." she repeats, still looking shocked.

"Shut up."

I walk up to her and give a hug which she returns equally enthusiastic.

"So. I guess you've met my brother.." she begins.

"Yup. Quick question—is he always such a pain in the ass or..?" I ask teasingly glancing at him. He mock glares but the slight quirk in his lips tells me he's amused.

"He's pretty much like that most of the time," she replies. Then her eyes grow panicked and she asks, "Why, did he do something? What did you do, you ass?"

His eyes grow wide.

"I didn't do anything!" he cries in disbelief.

Alice eyes flick towards me and I nod. "He didn't," I agree.

She huffs in answer and looks out at the falls.

"Hey, Al!"

The three of us turn to see Kate jogging towards us in her wedges. She's waving hysterically, her blond hair flying behind her.

"We see ya, Kate!" Alice yells back, giggling.

Kate stops in front of us, panting. "Good," she says, breathlessly.

"Where are the guys?" Alice asks.

"Oh, I don't know. They started to talk about football and I zoned out and before I knew it I lost them. And my phone's dead."

"Didn't you charge it last night?" I ask.

"It's a shitty phone," Kate says in explanation, finally catching her breath.

"Kay. I'll text them and tell 'em to meet us at the restaurant."

"Which restaurant?" I wonder out loud.

"You'll see," Edward replies for Alice.

Alice's head snaps toward Edward and her eyes narrow.

"When exactly are you leaving again?"

"Well. I was supposed to leave at the end of the week but it looks like I'll be here for the rest of the month."

"Great," Alice grumbles. "Please, Edward. For my sake and for once in your life, don't be a jerk. 'Kay?"

"I'm not a jerk."

"Not intentionally," Alice counters.

Edward rolls his eyes and Alice lets it go.

"So. What were you and Bella talking about?"

"Her average breasts," he answers simply.

I fume.

"My breasts aren't average."

I groan in my mind. _This trip was not going to be fun._

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 11, 2014**

What to wear?

What to wear?

What. To. Wear.

I flipped through my hangers, analyzing every outfit before declaring they just weren't right.

_This looks like something I'd wear to funeral._ _Wait. I_did_ wear it to a funeral._

Next.

_Cute. If I was stripper. I'd be a cute stripper._

Next.

_Blends in with my skin._

Next.

_The back's low enough to show my butt crack._

Next.

_Oh, that's gorgeous. Perfect, if I was two sizes smaller._

Next.

_This dress says, "Hey, look at me! I'm a 12 year old boy."_

Next.

_Wow. This would be perfect if my boobs didn't spill out of this dress..._

_Oh, what the heck._

A little cleavage hurt nobody.

This was a pretty little number, demure yet sexy.

It was white lace sheath dress that cinched at the waist.

Usually, I wouldn't care too much about how I looked. I rarely cared. But this was the Cullens.

They were billionaires with more money than sense. I'd lived in their world long enough to know that I had no choice but to care.

_Fucking judgmental pricks that frown at sweatshirts..._

I sighed, frustrated and tired and the night hadn't even started.

I glanced at the clock on the night stand.

Shit.

I was late.

Jake could be here any minute now.

I sigh, frustrated and tired and the night hadn't even started.

I glance at the clock on the night stand.

Shit.

I'm late.

Jake could be here any minute now.

Hurriedly, I apply my mascara and eyeliner as artfully as possible before zipping up my dress and shoes. My phone rings and I answer on the fourth ring.

"Jake?" I ask, breathlessly.

Silence. Then a voice. "It's Edward."

My stomach drops.

"Y-yes?"

"I just wanted to know whether you coming today or…" A sigh. "I didn't have the chance to confirm earlier."

I clear my throat before answering steadily, surprising myself.

"We'll be there."

Another beat of silence.

"I'll see you, then."

His voice is soft. Familiar. It unnerves me.

"I'll see you."

My voice is husky.

"Bye, Isabella."

"Bye."

And he hangs up.

And I contemplate downing a couple shots of vodka before going to the dinner.

oOYAOo

The doorbell rings. I answer it and Jake is waiting for me in his business suit.

His tie is a little loose. It looks like he'd yanked it a couple times. I fix it for him before giving him a small smile.

He smiles back.

"Ready to go?"

_Hell no._

"Yes."

* * *

AH. Good ol' boob jokes. Never get tired of 'em..

Looks like Bella is going to see the Cullens again after a VERY long time and messy separation.

Guys. Don't be shy now. Leave that review for me. Pwease?

Email me at - retroreaction . ffn ( ) gmail . com

Blog (for future sneak peaks and update schedules) - retroreaction . blogspot .ca

xo, Retro


	4. Chapter 4 - The Meeting

**Chapter 4**

oOYAOo

**Disclaimer** – No infringement of copyright is of the publicly recognizable characters, places, descriptions belong to their respective owners. Twilight belongs to Stephanie. That being said, You Again is mine.

Hi, scarlettstones. *gives you a donut* Bye, scarlettstones. Btw, ily.

Credit for the boob jokes go to what-if-i-told-you and scarlettstones. And a random website with boob jokes. *wonders if that's against the law*

**WARNING** – More boob jokes. More swearing.

I finished this chapter in a couple of hours. I'm so proud of myself right now… Just so you know, I have a word limit of 2500 words/chapter and I've been keeping it up! Hell yeah.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, ENJOYYYYY.

* * *

**7 years ago**

**March 24, 2007**

"So I guess your boobs are having a hard time deciding what they want to be when they grow up, huh?"

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Was that a bad joke? Okay, okay. How about this—what did the ghost say to the hornets?"

"_What?_"

"I'm so glad you asked. BOO-bees!"

He doubles over, slapping his thigh obnoxiously and I stare at his shaking with laughter figure incredulously.

_What in the flying fuck?_

He straightens with a wide grin, his green eyes dancing.

"Okay. Here's another one—what do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson's breasts?"

"Seriously?" I ask sardonically.

"Silicon Valley."

And he snorts, chortling because he finds it funny.

"How old are you again?"

"26."

"Well, act like it," I retort, shaking my head.

"Gravity apologizes to no one. Especially, your breasts."

My head slowly turns to face him.

"Care to repeat that, asshole?"

Edward raises his hands in surrender, suppressing a smirk.

"Wow, you can really take a joke." His eyes widen in mock wonder and I fantasize about smacking him repeatedly.

"I can take jokes that aren't about my boobs."

"Okay then. Knock-knock."

"Holy crap," I groan, rubbing my hands over my face.

"You're supposed to say 'who's there'," he says, placing a hand on his hip.

"If I do, will you leave me alone?"

"Sure."

"Who's there, jackass?" The amount of snark in my voice is astonishing, especially towards a guy _this_ hot but he isn't offended in the slightest. In fact, he even looks a bit amused.

"Who would you like it to be?" He drops his voice low and I have to resist the urge to shiver.

Dayum, that voice is sexy.

"uhhh, whaa?" I ask huskily, thoroughly distracted by the low timbre of his vocal chords.

He laughs and I snap out of it.

"That was a bad joke," I grumble, looking away.

"Holy cow woman. You're a tough crowd, aren't ya?"

"I certainly ain't easy, I'll tell you that."

"Oh, I think I already know that," he says softly.

"Oh, do you now?"

"I do."

"Mmm-hmm."

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 11, 2014**

Jacob opens the restaurant door for me and I walk through, barely registering my movements. I am beyond stressed, the tension warped tightly around my body like vines. I'm on the verge of a meltdown.

Granted, I'm on the verge of a meltdown almost always but still.

The Cullen family had cut all ties with me when Edward and I broke up. It hurt, and I felt abandoned just like anyone else in my position would have. At the time, I had honestly thought that we were close.

Okay, I'll admit, most of Edward's family despised me, but I thought Alice had felt different. I thought of Emmett like a brother and I seriously did think that the feeling was mutual.

Apparently not.

And it hurt because they never bothered to speak to me ever again.

And here I am, preparing to meet them after seven years.

_Why?_

_Why do I even care?_

I owed them nothing. They don't matter to me as much anymore.

_Then why the hell am I here?_

Jacob's hand finds mine, squeezing my fingers and I know why.

I need to know why they left me the way they did. The reason behind it. If there was a reason at all.

I needed to know if they ever loved me.

If he ever did.

Although, I doubt I'll find that out.

_I also needed closure_, I think recalling Angela's words.

This—this would be the goodbye I never got.

I throw my shoulders back and hold my head up high.

_Let's get this shit over with once and for all, Bella._

Our table come into view and I steel myself for a hopefully not-too-devastating-night.

oOYAOo

**7 years ago**

**March 25, 2014**

We are leaving today and I'm so glad I get to escape Edward and his endless collection of breast jokes.

_Seriously, does he write that stuff down or something?_

I drop my luggage unceremoniously at the doorstep of the house and Mike picks it up to put it in the back of the car.

"All packed?" Mike asks and I nod in answer.

Someone touches my shoulder and I swirl around to meet jade eyes.

_Oh dear god, please. No more boob jokes._

"Leaving me already?"

I exhale. "I look forward to never seeing you again, Cullen."

He chuckles rubbing his neck.

"I'm sorry if I gave you a hard time. But come on, those joke were _hilarious_."

I snort. "Hilariously bad, you mean."

"Deep down, you enjoyed it."

I put on my shoes and smile.

"Goodbye, Edward."

"Nice meeting you, Bella."

"Can't say the same."

"Oh man, was I that bad?" he asks, snickering.

"Worse, I tell you. Worse."

He raises an eyebrow,

"Well, I'll have to make it up to you sometime."

"No thank you."

"You know, the only reason I was telling you those jokes was to get a reaction. You seemed pretty expressionless. It was interesting to see."

"I'm glad I entertain you so much," I say, as nonchalantly as possible.

His lips quirk up. "Oh, you do more than entertain."

"Do I?"

"You don't."

"What?"

"But you do."

"What the fu-"

"Goodbye Bella."

"I'm officially naming you Mr. Mindfuck."

"I'm honored," he replies and walks away, leaving me utterly confused. Like usual.

_Men._

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 11, 2014**

"Bella!" she cries out and hugs me. I'm stiff and I don't reciprocate because I'm totally disoriented by the affection.

_Where is this coming from?!_

"Alice," I say in answer, my expression stoic.

I can tell she's disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm by the furrow of her eyebrows but I don't care.

_Forgive me if I'm still bitter about the fact this woman never even bothered to tell her best friend she was leaving._

"It's so nice to see you," Alice remarks, looking at me up and down. I'm slightly uncomfortable with the spotlight on me.

She's aged; there are lines around her mouth and eyes but she looks just as good as she did years ago. Her hair had grown out since the last time I saw her, no longer a short pixie cut but a sharp bob.

She's also blonde.

She's wearing a long slinky black dress with diamond studs that I'm sure are legitimate. She's a lot curvier; she's gained a significant amount of weight but it's evenly balanced and I know she has a flat tummy.

Jasper is seated at the table like the rest of them and he nods towards me.

I clear my throat but I don't say anything in response.

She inhales at my silence. "You look great."

Self-conscious, I tuck a lock of brown hair behind my ear.

"Thank you."

"Sit, sit," she ushers me to a seat and grins at Jacob.

"Who's this?" she asks.

"Jacob Black," a voice speaks up and my limbs seem to freeze recognizing the raspy lilt to the voice.

"Hello, Bella," Edward says softly, his eyes warm. "You look amazing."

I nod in acknowledge and offer a strained smile, not trusting my voice one bit.

There is a little grey at his temples but barely noticeable if you didn't stare long enough. He looks older too. Distinguished.

Old money.

He looks like a Cullen.

He's wearing a tailored suit, the material stretching attractively across his lean body. His hair is disheveled, like he's pulled it too many times and my fingers itch to reach over and smooth it down like I used to many years ago.

Nostalgia fills me and I take a seat silently and Jacob follows, smiling at Alice and the others.

Across from me are Emmett and his wife Rosalie. Rosalie's hair is in a simple braid and she's wearing minimal makeup but she looks just as gorgeous.

She's looking through the menu disinterestedly, not acknowledging my existence at the restaurant and so is Esme. I discover that I'm perfectly okay with it, surprisingly.

Emmett is grinning from ear to ear at me and I smile.

"Hey, Bells," he says nodding.

"Hello," I greet him as formally as I can.

"Missed you," he replies, reaching across the table and patting my hand.

"Right," I say because.._bullshit._

His expression falls for a second but he recovers.

"How have you been?"

_Falling apart. Lonely. Heartbroken. Devastated. Stressed. Depressed._

"Fine."

He nods, accepting it easily. Like always.

"Good, good."

He was too simple. He's a guy that believes that if people have problems that they voice it and resolve it when in truth that's just not how humans work.

What a great place that must be. Completely oblivious to the truth. It certainly must be painless.

Jacob and Emmett shake hand and introduce themselves.

When Jacob tells Emmett he's my fiancée, Emmett's brown eyes widen and quickly glance at Edward, then me.

"Fiancée? I see congratulations are in order, Isabella."

A gruff voice speaks up and I shiver and it's not the good kind.

Jacob and I turn to face Carlisle whose eyebrow is raised slightly. His eyes are like shards of cold blue ice glinting bitterly and I see that the years have not changed the billionaire that is Carlisle Cullen.

"And you are?" Jacob questions, his hand held out to shake his.

"Carlisle Cullen. Congrats on the engagement." Carlisle shakes Jacobs's hand, his lip twitching with some unvoiced thought.

"Thank you. Bella and I are excited," Jacob says with much more exuberance than needed.

"That we are," I say, patting Jacob's shoulder lightly.

Carlisle watches us carefully, not missing the small gesture. I notice that he's not the only one but in fact the whole table is watching, including Esme and Rosalie.

"So, what do you do, Bella?" Alice speaks up after a long time of being silent.

I wonder how long the small talk will last. I'm already more than tired of it and the night's barely started.

"I teach. At a university."

"What do you teach?" Emmett asks.

"English."

"Your major," Alice says, understanding.

"Yes."

"When are you guys getting married?" she asks.

In my peripheral vision I can see Edward gulping his beer a little faster.

_Chug. Chug. Chug._

"Three months."

_Gulp. Wince._

Alice is taken aback.

"That's..soon."

"Mmm-hmm." I nod in agreement.

_Chug. Chug._

"Is everything ready?"

_Chug. Gulp. Wince._

"Pretty much, yes."

"That's good."

I sip my wine and glance at Edward. He's staring at me with those intense eyes of his and goose bumps rise on my arms.

Jacob and Emmett are discussing cars and I don't bother listening in.

"So..where have you guys been?" I ask Alice, casually.

"Oh, you know. Here and there," she answers just as casually. She's painfully vague.

"No, I don't know." I'm snapping.

"Mostly Europe," she replies, a sheepish frown forming between her eyebrows.

I raise my eyebrows and nod. I turn to face Edward.

"Europe, huh? How was it?"

"Okay, I guess." He's not meeting my eyes.

"Must have been fun," I say.

"Sure."

_Sure? What kind of answer is 'sure'?_

I don't know what comes over me but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the mindless chatter. I don't have the energy for anymore unnecessary conversation.

I turn back to Alice.

"Did _you _have fun, Alice?" I still sound a little sharp.

"I guess." She blinks in surprise.

"Well, it must have been lots of fun, because you never called. Or texted. Or emailed. In fact, this is the first I've heard of you in years."

Alice pales. "Oh Bella.." Her voice is soft. She's taken aback and her head jerk infinitesimally.

I'm unforgiving.

"Yes, Alice. Tell me why. I'm _really_ interested." My lips purse.

"I just—I just couldn't..I'll explain some other time.."

I let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not sure I want to hear it anymore."

"Bella, please.."

"No. I'm sorry, but I can't sit here and pretend that shit never happened. Because newsflash—it did." I have the whole table's attention now. My voice is raised but right now, I could give a damn whose listening.

"Bella."

I turn to Edward when he speaks up.

"You are the last person I want to listen to right now. Or ever."

He sighs, his shoulders hunching looking defeated.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't you dare. Don't. you. Dare. Sorry doesn't cut it. You don't get to say sorry and make things okay again, Edward. Not after what you did. Not after all that's happened."

"Bella, listen, I-"

I cut Alice off.

"No, _you_ listen, Alice. I don't know why I came today. I guess I wanted to see you and ask you—_why_? Why did that happen? Where did things go so wrong?"

I'm gripping the table. Jacob is stunned. So is everyone else.

"Bella, we're best friends. Remember?"

"Remember when you weren't a total bitch?" I snap.

A gasp. Jasper is mad. I could care less right now.

"Bella, I need to talk to you..to explain.."

My head swirls.

"Explain what, Edward? Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it. I'm done. I don't know why I agreed to come today, but I know this—I'm thoroughly done. Don't call me."

With that, I grab Jake's forearm and march out of there.

oOYAOo

**7 years ago**

**April 20, 2007**

I'm desperate need of school supplies. Binders, to be exact. School supplies and groceries. My fridge is so empty and all I do is eat take out.

It true, I can't cook at all, but the least I could do is keep the fridge kind of stocked in case of emergencies.

_What if I'm hungry in the middle of the night?_

_What do I mean by 'what if'? I always am._

Some microwavable macaroni and cheese would save the freaking day.

I scan the aisles, grabbing anything remotely readymade and edible. Soon my cart is filled with ramen, soup cans, Doritos and large cases of Arizona tea.

I had an unhealthy obsession over Arizona tea. It's beyond crazy.

I'm pushing the cart and skimming the aisle and I don't notice the figure in front of the cart. I crash into the person and I hear a muffled groan.

I run over to see a hunched guy rubbing his torso like nobody's business.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! I just..I didn't see you at all! I'm sorry. Really."

He lifts up his head I meet jade eyes.

"Edward," I gasp. "What are you doing in Seattle?"

"Bella?"

"Yes, me, Bella," I say, nodding enthusiastically. "Hey."

"Hey. I'm just here for some family business."

"Oh. Well, it's nice to.._crash_ into you."

He chuckles. "I wish it wasn't so painful, though." He rubs his torso once more.

I wince. "I'm sorry about that."

"S'okay. Anyways, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing," I say, glancing at my cart. "Just grocery shopping. I actually really need binders but looks like I won't be getting them today. Ugh..oh, well."

He raises an eyebrow.

"Binders, huh?"

"Yeah, well. It's okay. I'll get them later."

"Well, I'm gonna go. Bye then."

I frown at his sudden departure. "Bye.."

Edward is soon forgotten when I go and pay for the food. I'm carrying the grocery bags back to my car with some trouble when I see Edward leaning over it.

_Don't trip._

_Don't trip._

_One step after another._

_One step after.._

"Edward?"

He smiles. He looks nervous. And breathless.

"I ran over to the store across the street and got you the binders. I didn't know what you wanted so..here are the laminated ones, the ones with the patterns and different colors and every type, basically."

My jaw drops open and I gape at him.

_Is he crazy?_

"That must have cost a fortune," I say in wonder.

"Yeah, well. I can afford it."

_I guess he is._

"I bet…" I answer in shock, looking at the huge bag with the binders in them. "Thank you!"

I put the grocery bags down and before I can stop myself, I hug him.

_More money than sense, this one._

Despite it all, I smile.

"I really needed them. You're a lifesaver."

He looks sheepish. He rubs his neck and shrugs. His ears turn red.

"You're welcome."

"I need to go, but really, thank you."

He grins and waves before walking away and I grin.

_Wow._

I keep the bag inside my car when I notice a piece of paper stuck to the outside.

_'If you ever want to discuss breasts and binder colors or want to let me make it up to you for the bad trip, haha, call me at – 905 395 2953'_

I'm probably crazy for doing it but I do.

* * *

So…uhm. How was it? Good? Bad? Yes? No? Maybe so?

Did you throw your reading device across the room because you absolutely hated it? TELL ME IN THE REVIEW SECTION BELOW. Please?

I see you. DO IT. DO ITTTTTTT. I may or may not give you an EPOV if you do... (#shamelessBRIBING)

lol.

Email me at – retroreaction . ffn ( ) gmail . com

Blog (for future sneak peaks and updates (I post sneak peaks ALL the time)) – retroreaction . blogspot . ca

xo, Retro.


	5. Chapter 5 - Downhill

**Chapter 4**

oOYAOo

**Disclaimer** - No infringement intended.

Scarlettstones-she didn't get a selfie with Kristen Stewart. Poor baby. IT'LL HAPPEN ONE DAY. :*

**A/N** - Sorry about the late update. High school is so much work sometimes.

ENJOYYYYYYY.

* * *

**Present**

**June 11, 2014**

Silence.

All I hear is frigid painful silence. Jacob hasn't said a word and neither have I. Something in me tells me to speak up, say something—anything.

But I don't.

I never do.

That's probably why I am where I am.

Jacob sighs and pulls over outside my place and I look at him wordlessly. He returns the stare and I see the confusion, the questions swirling in his deep eyes. He looks away breaking the connection and I wait for him to speak.

He shuts off the engine and looks at me once more.

"Mind telling me what the fuck happened there?"

His voice is soft but firm when he finally speaks up. He sounds a little angry but mostly just incredulous.

I exhale, long and loud and lean back into the leather upholstery of the car.

"I don't know where to start," I say, dejected and emotionally drained, looking anywhere but him now.

"The beginning works fine for me."

I sense a hint of annoyance in his voice and I raise an eyebrow.

"Why don't you tell me what you seem to think you already know?"

He chuckles but it's hard. He's still confused.

"I'm jumping to some crazy conclusions, Bella and trust me, you don't wanna know."

I frown internally and replay what happened in my mind. _What kind of conclusion has he jumped to?_

"Uhm.. Long story short—Edward and I dated, we broke up, I thought of Edward's sister like family and she was gone with Edward after the break-up, I mean she didn't even bother to call me _once_. No—'sorry, I didn't say goodbye', no—'hi, Bella, are you still alive?' So, yes, I was mad. With good reason."

"How come you never told me?"

He looks earnest and I feel guilty.

"It never came up," I answer defensively.

He senses the change in my tone and puts his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, Bella, if I thought I had a right to know," he says, clearly frustrated and I feel even worse. "How the hell does something like that come up in a conversation?"

I exhale again, looking down at my intertwined hands in my lap.

"I'm..sorry, Jake. I don't know what's wrong with me.."

His hand finds its way into my lap and he squeezes his palm over mine.

"Bells, we're getting married. I think it's time for some honesty. I don't want any surprises in the future. In fact, I think it's best if we don't talk until you're ready to open up to me."

I gasp involuntarily. "Is that an ultimatum?"

His eyebrows squish together and he looks away.

"No, Bella, it's not, but something tells me that's the way you'll take it. Look—I'll always be there for you."

_That's what they all say_, the snarky bitch in my head snaps, rolling her eyes bitterly.

_'I'll always be there for you.'_

I tug my hand out of Jacob's and look ahead. "Those words don't have the same meaningfulness they used to, Jake," I mutter.

"Dammit, Bella. What do you want me to say?"

"That you'll give me time?"

His hand pulls at my chin and I look into his eyes.

"Why does this feel like déjà-vu?" he says, softly. "_Give me time. _You said the same thing to me four years ago. I thought we had moved on."

_I guess not. _

My silence says everything to him and he looks..dejected.

Resigned.

There's a lump in throat and my vision blurs with unshed tears. I open the car door and get out before quietly shutting it behind me.

I walk away from Jake.

He mutters a quiet 'Bella' to stop me but I ignore him.

OOYAOo

**7 years ago**

**July 14, 2007**

It's hot. I feel gross, all slick and sweaty. The humid sun was killing me with its heat. The air conditioning is turned on to its highest but the apartment I was renting is old and the air conditioning makes this wheezing sound that's really hard to ignore.

I'm getting irritated.

The beer bottle in my hand is now warm as well and I have to gulp it fast to avoid tasting it.

I'm wearing a tangerine frock with flowers to match, tucked behind my hair.

And Edward's late.

Again.

He was supposed to pick me up forty minutes ago. He had even claimed he had a big surprise planned that I would just _adore_.

If this was his big surprise—one, I'm not surprised, he's rarely ever on time and two, I'm not loving this, in fact, I'm partially annoyed.

My fingers drum on my old beat-up couch and I resist the urge to go dump a bucket of ice cold water over my head.

Sweat trickles down my temple and I'm done.

I reach for my phone on the coffee table when the doorbell rings.

Sighing, I get off the couch and jog over to the door. I peek through the peek-hole, only to find a very flustered Edward on the other side.

_That's right, be flustered, you late ass. _

I swing the door open and Edward's head jerks in surprise at the sudden movement. The corner of his lips lifts into a half smile and he looks sheepish. He hands stash themselves into his denim jeans and looks at me through his lashes.

I raise an eyebrow and place a hand on my hip.

"I know, I'm late.."

"Yes. Yes, you are late. Again."

"And I'm very, very sorry."

I roll my eyes. "You don't seem very sorry."

"I am. Here's a teddy bear to prove it." He bends down and retrieves a teddy bear from the floor that I didn't know was there.

He hands it out to me with a breathtaking smile and I take it, repressing my answering smile.

_Stay strong, Swan. _

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just chuck this thing at your face and slam the door?"

"Because I have donuts in the car?"

My eyes widen. "You have donuts? Then what are we doing standing here? Off to the good sir's car!"

He laughs loudly and I melt, laughing with him.

His eyes turn serious and his laughter dies.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Really. I just had something to take care of with my father."

My smile morphs into a concerned one.

"Is everything all right?"

He rolls his eyes. "My dad is just being…him."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Anyways..are you ready?"

My eyebrows squeeze together and I'm confused.

"For what?"

"Our date?"

"Who cares about the date? Priorities! Donuts! Now, preferably."

I shut the door behind me and walk down the corridor. I stop when I realize he isn't following me.

"What?" I say, looking at him over my shoulder.

He's snickering. "You're going the wrong way, Bella."

I huff and turn around.

"I just wanted the donuts…"

"And you'll get it 'em."

I reach where he's standing.

"..Do they have sprinkles?" I blurt.

"And I'm the immature one?"

He snorts, grabbing my hand and dragging me to his car as I giggle like a schoolgirl behind him.

"Immature _is_ a little harsh, huh?"

oOYAOo

"Man, that was a good donut," I say appreciatively, rubbing my stomach.

Edward just laughs in response, his eyes on the road ahead.

"Where are we going?" I ask. Edward quickly glances at me, his lips twitching.

"Not telling you."

"Why not?"

"It's a surprise, remember?"

I groan. "Here's the thing—I hate surprises."

"You're going to love this one."

I ignore him and continue. "It's the anticipation that I don't like. And the fear of possibly being disappointed."

"Disappointment is inevitable. If you want to avoid disappointment, don't have expectations."

"When did you become so wise?"

"Ever since you ate that donut."

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 12, 2014**

Angela slides into the chair across from me and I smile timidly at her. She smiles back, concern in her eyes.

We're at a coffee shop close to the university.

Angela had called me earlier that day and asked to meet up to which I reluctantly said yes, knowing that her plan was to grill me about everything that happened.

"Here's your latte." She hands me the cup and I take it from her.

"Ugh, I hate lattes.." I grumble, sipping my drink with distaste. Angela snorts.

"You must be the only person I know that hates lattes."

"I just don't like coffee drinks."

"You don't like coffee, period."

"Correct," I say, my lips quirking up in a half smile that Angela returns.

"So..what happened?"

"What happened when?" I ask innocently, my eyes trained on my coffee cup, not meeting hers.

She scoffs. "Don't act dumb, Bella, you know what I'm asking about."

"It went great," I say, my words dripping with sarcasm.

"That bad?"

"Yes. It was horrible."

"Details."

I lean back and look at the ceiling before glancing back down at her. I shift in my chair and sigh.

"I lost my cool."

"Elaborate, please?"

I tell her all, sipping my drink every once in a while. Once I start, I can't stop and tell her how I felt, what was said..everything. It feels amazing to be that open. She takes it all in.

She's quiet and I'm holding my breath.

"Say something," I say.

Angela smiles at me but the smile doesn't reach her eyes.

"Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"..Sure?"

"Will you be honest?"

I let out a dry chuckle. "That depends on the question."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, you're a bad liar anyway."

"I'm sorry, have you seen yourself lie before, Ange?" I ask, giggling.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, I look like a deer in headlights."

"I never knew your eyes could open that wide…"

"Back to what I was saying—will you at least try to be honest?"

I sober up at her seriousness. "I'll try."

She sighs, her voice and eyes soften. "It's not easy to ask this but—do you still love him, Bella?"

My heart stops. I freeze. Angela sees me shutting down and hurries to explain.

"It's just that, you're still this hurt over something that happened that long ago. Honestly, I thought you'd moved on at least a little. I get, Bella, you loved him. I got it then, why you were so heartbroken. But now...the way you sound...it's just...well, do you love him? Still?"

I take a huge sip of my latte and it's obvious I'm trying to delay it.

"I can't answer that, Angela."

She looks at me intently. "You don't have to answer to me, Bella. But you do, however, need to answer to yourself. Be honest…with yourself."

"How will that help me?"

"It might not necessarily help you, but it might make things seem clearer."

"How could I still love him? After what he did…I can't love him. I _won't._"

My voice breaks and I hate myself for it.

"Oh honey. It's okay to still love him. The question is whether it's okay to act on it or not."

I look away and out the window. People walk by on the sidewalks and cars whizz by. Making me feel like my situation is really that big of a deal. Making me feel insignificant compared to the world.

"But, Bella, know this," she starts and I'm pulled out my reverie, "you can't choose whether or not you love somebody. You either love them or you don't. There is no grey when it comes to love."

oOYAOo

**7 years ago**

**July 14, 2007**

Edward finally pulls over on the side of the highway and I'm confused.

"Why are we stopping?" I ask.

"Because we've reached our location."

I look around. "Our date is on the highway?" I ask dubiously.

"No."

"But you just said—wait, is this like a riddle?"

He snorts and laughs. "No, Bella. Just shut up and follow me."

I place my palm in his, my grin mirroring his.

"You're confusing me, but I trust you."

"Good."

He sounds genuinely satisfied with my statement and it shows in his features.

He leads me down a trail I didn't notice was there.

"Uhm..hiking and me don't go well together.

"Don't worry I'll protect you," he says, flexing for me and I smack him on the arm. He laughs boisterously and the sound echoes through the trial.

Suddenly he halts and places his palm over my eyes. I tug at his hand, giggling but he reprimands me with a 'no, stop' and I stop, grinning widely.

When he slides his hands off, my breath is taken away from the beauty of the meadow that faces me.

"Oh Edward.." I breathe, my eyes wide.

"It's gorgeous," he says simply.

"It is," I agree wholeheartedly.

"I wanted to share this with you."

I look at him and his green eyes are shy but sincere.

"It's perfect."

oOYAOo

**Present**

**June 13, 2014**

Kibbles is blatantly ignoring me the one time I need to cuddle with her.

_Cats and their mood swings, I swear. _

I'm exhausted after a rough day at work and all I want to do is nothing. Literally.

I'm sitting cross-legged on my carpet, trying to work out the knots in my shoulder when the doorbell rings.

I swing the door open expecting Jake—but it's Edward. He's shoulders are hunched like the world is on them and he has bags under his eyes.

"You didn't return my calls. Or texts."

Edward had tried to get in touch with me many times. I didn't understand why—I'd make it very clear that I didn't want any to do with him. I just..I just wanted to move on.

And he was making that process a lot harder than it needs to be.

Especially when I live by the whole—'out of sight, out of mind'.

Not matter what, he's always there.

"I asked you not to contact me, Edward," I snap and my voice is sharp. I feel guilty right after but I don't let it show.

He exhales. I look him over once and he looks horrible. He's wearing a black blazer and dress pants and his tie is loosened like he's pulled at it a lot.

Like his hair. It's clear he's pulled it through his fingers multiple times.

"I need to explain Bella."

"What's there to explain?" I ask, my voice uncharacteristically soft.

He's eyes shoot up to mine.

"I'm so sorry."

I hear the urgency and desperation in his voice and I can't help it. My resolve melts.

I step back and wave an arm inviting him in.

* * *

Ended that with a cliffie. hehehehehe.

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